Saying "No."

Introduction 

We all live in a fast-paced world with hectic lives. Therefore, we seldom have enough time to follow through with all of our commitments. And hence, learning to say "NO!" to less-important things becomes vital. 

It's fascinating because when we were young, we were taught to say YES to every opportunity that comes our way. After all, every opportunity can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and the world. But as we grow older, we soon realize that there is an upper limit to the things we can do in a day or a week. And to succeed in our goals and endeavors, prioritization becomes crucial. And saying NO to proposals/activities is implicit of prioritization.

Analysis

Now, we all know this stuff (at a basic level, at least). But we all find it hard to say No to people. We feel like we are defying the other person's trust and doing something illegal by refusing their proposal. One reason for this behavior is our childhood learnings wherein we were taught to say "Yes!". Saying "Yes!" meant more opportunities, more friends and was seen as a sign of humbleness.

Diving deeper, why we may not like saying NO may be linked to Behavioral evolution. As hunter-gatherers, our ancestors needed to cooperate in groups because their strength and survival depended on their unity. And hence, over the years, we learned that saying NO signals defection to the group's norms and is thus detrimental (rather fatal in those times). Though we aren't hunter-gatherers anymore, we still carry with us the above-mentioned behavioral trait. Even today, refusing to indulge in group activities is viewed as defying the group's kinship.

That doesn't mean we need to decline proposals at the risk of losing people from our lives. Suppose a meaningful reason accompanies a refusal. In that case, it instead helps build our image in the other person's perception because it shows that we are driven towards a purpose in life. Hence, it rather deepens your relationship with the other individual. It's crucial to note here that the reason should be a meaningful one and not an excuse, in which case it has the negative effect of deceit, as discussed above.

At the same time, we need to realize that many a time, other people might reject our proposals as well. And we need to understand their reason for declining our proposal and not develop bitter feelings against them.

Conclusion

The book 'The Power of a Positive No' by William Ury discusses how we should view saying NO to one thing as saying YES to more important things. Hence, we switch the negative connotation that refusing a proposal entails; into a positive one wherein we choose more essential things. 

This does not mean we procrastinate on our important tasks and choose more leisurely activities like gaming or scrolling through social media. It instead means that when it comes down to choosing between somewhat equally meaningful tasks- you should have the courage to say NO to other tasks and YES to tasks that you feel are important to you. It is crucial to keep in mind that YOU should choose the priority of the things and not your boss, parent, or teacher because ultimately, it's your life and your journey.

Written and Edited by: Yash Jayesh Doshi