The lies we tell ourselves

As you may or may not know, I write blogs on philosophy, psychology, and human behavior. But I haven't put out any content for the past six months. Let me take you through my journey of resuming writing and the 'truthful lies' that lie within.

Many writers face what's known as writer's block. This is a common problem wherein the writer cannot come up with a good piece that he feels is good or worthy enough to be published.

Another common reason why writers leave writing is why all of us leave practicing any activity; some more important things come up in life, and your focus shifts to attending them. And in turn, the activities you most endeared at some point now take a backseat because that's just how life is.

But my reasons to leave writing are a little less common than these. For at least a month or so, I believed (or should I say I had made myself believe) that it was just because I was adapting to my new job environment and would eventually come back to writing regularly. But I later realized that that wasn't the problem; instead, it was a mask behind which I had hidden myself to avoid exploring the real reason I gave up on writing. Because that would make me feel uncomfortable, and who wants that, right? Hence, begins the journey of escapism and 'lies.'

So, after realizing the fact mentioned above, the next thing I convinced myself was that I just didn't have enough knowledge to write about stuff. Well, unlike the last reason, this reason did have some factual backing to it because I clearly didn't know (and still don't know) even a drop of the ocean-like fields of philosophy or psychology. So, this reason stayed with me a little longer since I could now tell people, "Hey, I am just in my learning phase, you know." Or "20s is all about learning and exploring, bro". I thought writing was a linear path wherein one can write only when one has gathered enough knowledge on things.

And so, I put on my 'Columbus mask' and went on my journey of exploration. But unlike Columbus, I didn't find my America. Yes, I came across a lot of new stuff. But I couldn't fully understand them, let alone write about them, because that knowledge never got enough time to be internalized in me.

And a month later, I asked myself, "Where do I draw the line? At what point do I tell myself that I have gathered enough knowledge and can now switch to writing?". I soon realized that there is no line; rather, there is no linear model. Learning and writing is a cyclical process wherein you learn/discover something; you then write it down, which in turn opens the door for new learnings.

Wait, how is that? Allow me to elaborate.

Writing helps in organizing your learnings in your mind. We all know this. But there is another peculiar thing about writing, which apparently I was missing. Writing and organization of thoughts lead to the generation of new ideas. It's like how when you have a messy room, you only know about what you can see off the top. But when you go about setting your room in order, not only do you organize those things, but you also find that pen you had always been looking for or that keychain you never thought you had. Similarly, putting your thoughts in order helps you realize things you never knew you knew. It brings those thoughts from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind.

Let's consider my example. I had set off writing this piece by just listing the reasons why I stopped writing. That led me to realize the number of lies we tell ourselves. And now I am talking about the peculiar aspects of writing. Believe me; I have mentally thought about why I stopped writing many times. But never did I encounter a crazy path of thought like this one. While mentally thinking, it always ended like, "Ah, come on, it's just 'lie #3000'" or "I'll start writing when this '999th thing' ends". But with writing, it's different. Not only does it help in analyzing your thoughts better, but it also provides this room for your mind to undertake an unknown path of thought, take strange turns, and sometimes find a hidden treasure along the way.

This is why diary writing is such a highly recommended practice. This is why therapists usually tell their patients to note what they did all day. The purpose isn't to document your life. Instead, it's to see the patterns in your daily life and come up with unknown conclusions which may help solve your mental problem.

So moving on, I realized that I could never reach that threshold of knowledge since there is none. So, I need to resume writing soon. But then the laziness in me wakes up and says, "What's the rush, eh? Just take a chill pill." So then, I thought I would need all the motivation the world has to offer to resume writing. And so, I watched a gazillion of YouTube videos, talked with my friends, went for some soul-searching- all in vain. Because all this time, I was running away from the fact that the solution doesn't exist out there; it exists within me.

Finally, here I am, writing something (you can call it a personal blog, maybe?) after months of trying out a million ways to resume writing, while all it took was just a few words to start with.

And this is what I would like to leave you guys with. In life, many a time, we try to find external solutions to our problems. While the solution exists within you, all you need to do is give it a go and let the mental inertia do the rest. 

Written and Edited by: Yash Jayesh Doshi