Loneliness Kills

Greetings

In this blog, let's discuss a slow and silent killer- Loneliness. This disease is very relevant, especially in this day and age. It's something almost everyone experiences, but no one wants to talk about it- maybe because the lack of a healthy social life maybe be embarrassing or perhaps because you don't want to be looked at as a person with a disease by people.

Introduction

We live in these massive concrete jungles, have lots of colleagues and acquaintances, and frequently go to weekend parties, birthday parties, events, concerts, etc. With the number of people we interact with daily, it's hard to believe that many of us would feel lonely. In a country of 1.4 billion people like India, 43% of adults feel lonely (2021 report). In a country as socially happening as the United States of America, 31% of the adults often feel lonely. The pandemic and the advent of digital media and entertainment have only worsened the situation. It has forced us to socially isolate ourselves and take drags of 'Instagram' or drink up bottles of 'YouTube' to constantly gratify ourselves with these short-term pleasures. We make sure the thought of loneliness doesn't creep in even for a second by keeping ourselves occupied in these joyless pleasures.

In today's competitive world, it's important to hustle, work hard, develop new skills, network with people, etc. All that stuff is essential to keep a roof over our heads, feed our bellies, and serve our life with some purpose. Moreover, it's crucial, so you aren't left-back in this rat race. But we usually pursue these things at the cost of our mental well-being. Usually, our pursuit of happiness brings us sadness and loneliness.

Breaking down the problem

Why is it that even after having so many people around us, we feel lonely? Why do you feel alone in a crowd of people? It's not about you not knowing how to socialize; it's more about how modern societies function.

We live in a fast-paced world crippled with hyper competitiveness. We all are so indulged in the race to success that we rarely have the time and patience to connect with the people around us. Most people treat relations with other people as a give-and-take deal. When you interact with the other person solely to get something of value out of it, you fail to build the relationship on a deeper level. The consequence- most of your relationships are superficial. You may know a lot of people but wouldn't have many people to share your daily troubles with. Hence, you are bound to feel like a drop of oil in an ocean of water.

Biologically, we are social animals. That's why our ancestors used to hunt, live and celebrate in groups. These groups didn't only provide a better survival strategy against wild animals, but it also strengthened the bond and trust between one another- something essential for one's mental well-being. The gathering around a fire and dancing to folklore served more than leisure. It helped people share. It helped people gossip. It helped people inter-connect with each other.

You see, we aren't built to be living in solitary jails. Why do you think 'the hole' is the worst place to end up in prison? Not because the place stinks, is unclean, or rarely receives sunlight. The punishment is solitude. The punishment is the lack of people around to talk to dilute your pain and suffering.

But what have we done? We have built ourselves these "comfy holes" in the name of "alone-time" or "self-development" but actually to separate ourselves from the harsh reality of the world. The reality that our life lacks meaningful connections and that we are being pulled more and more into the black hole of loneliness.

Now, that doesn't mean solitude is all bad. Being with yourself is also essential because it helps introspect and understand your thoughts better- an integral part of a healthy mental state. But it becomes problematic when you go so overboard with the solitude stuff that you would rather scroll through reels for two hours than go out or talk to a friend. You don't realize that problem at that moment. If you always feel that void of loneliness late at night or while on a commute, it's a sign that you might have gone too far with the 'being on my own' thing.

You see, the problem is that we have glorified this 'being independent' thing way out of proportion. Yes, independence is a necessary stage in life since it teaches you self-sustenance. But it's only an intermediate stage. The ultimate stage, on which the world works, is 'Inter-dependence.' Elon Musk wasn't able to build Tesla 'independently.' It required the collective hard work of 110,000 people for Tesla to become what it is today.

It's always about finding that right balance between things so that you can get the best of both worlds.

What to do?

Well, the answer, in short, is- "Don't be lonely!" But I know it's not as simple as that. Most of our jobs and other responsibilities tire us so much that by the end of the day, no one wants to put in that additional effort to meet someone or talk to people. It's much easier to scroll through social media since it's very accessible, requires minimal effort, and satisfies your temporary need for gratification.

But we need to realize that it's a slow killer. Much like how eating processed food makes us happy in the short term but is harmful at a later stage. Hence, as much as we might hate it, we need to make a conscious effort to socialize in the real world.

Even if you are an introvert, it's vital for your mental health to meet up with your close friends or go for a family outing once in a while. Believe me, I usually prefer staying alone in my room than going out and socializing but doing that excessively does more harm than good. It helps to go out and hang out with people. 

If you are willing to go a step further, you can try attending events or club meetups. This not only helps you meet new and interesting people but also opens you up to new prospects and experiences, which are always a good high. Anything new always brings in that nervousness and excitement, making life a little more interesting.

Written and Edited by: Yash Jayesh Doshi